I haven’t written in such a long time. Words have failed me and real life has left me restless. I long for summer days when I can just sit and hunt down the words I so badly need to bleed and need to escape to in my own head.

“Sometimes I just want to bleed out from all the things I am not”

“But you are everything” 

Words are the most haunting kind of torture so if you’re planning on breaking somebody to a lifetime of heartache and echoes and shadows in their head, break them with words. Be sneaky and commit the crime that you can get away from without blood spilling upon your hands - use the power of language to decay them until they feel like they’re nothing. (You’ve already won)

iii

You will memorise his movements and when he moves, you will move also. You will trace the features of his face with the touch of your fingertips, so delicately to you as it seems although your touch will leave behind a trail of burning wildfire, setting the fuse to the explosion going off within his heart, making everything stop to a halt and crash and fall and burn as he looks into your eyes and drinks up your touch. You will leave him lingering kisses while he sleeps and you will write love letters on sticky notes, leaving them everywhere in your stuffy little apartment, driving him crazy with longing on those long days while you’re away with his heart on the other side of the city.

ii

I count the freckles upon your face and then I count the colours in your eyes.

i

Graze your nose across mine and blink your eyelashes upon my cheek. Make me giggle, stumble, blush. Hold me closely and never let go; breathe into my hair and let the green minted perfume wash over you. (remember it when you’re laying in bed without me, staring up at your celling imagining the night sky above printed upon it like the so many nights we spent doing so and smile silently to yourself into your pillow) Bite your lip staring intensely into my eyes; make me feel your want through words silently spoken through your lustful eyes.

Take my hand, I will show you a whole new world. There are ghosts in my heart and stories and memories of yesterday running through my mind, words trying to escape my stubborn mouth. Magic runs through my veins. My solitude; my loneliness - yearning for somebody to make me feel whole. Like I’m worth it. One day my dreams will come true, but until then, I will try to grasp onto the present which is a hard task considering my head is always in the clouds. My eyes search this world tiredly, aimlessly - searching for silhouettes of hope. I want to laugh loudly, love deeply and to see everything in color. One day, I’ll be free like a bird; free from this bird cage I have built confined myself in for so long.

At first she was content with living in her cage which she had so carefully built around herself. She was comfortable with her solitude as over time, it became her closest friend. As time grew on, she became bored and terribly lonely - but only now she was too lost within herself. Everything she thought she knew became hazy, she had lost her way somehow, becoming a prisoner within herself.

She was made up of all the secret desires which lived in his heart and fed off his imagination.

She thought of all the broken wishes that never came true, false promises and lost loves; ghosts in the now darkest corner of her heart, collecting dust.